Self Care Guide for Women Who Aren’t Particularly Good at Self Care

Self care is an extremely difficult topic for me. Like so many Mud and Grace readers, I have a lot of irons in the fire, and I can’t just drop any old iron and go take a bubble bath. “Sorry kids! Mom needs a break tonight. You can just hitchhike home from practice, right?”

We cannot care for others and achieve our own dreams if we are suffocating under unrealistic workloads and are unable find any time for ourselves. But when people tell me “Take care of yourself!” I don’t even really know what that means. Am I supposed to… what, take a nap? When?

So naturally, I turned to the internet for help.

An extensive* Google search came up with several ideas for self care. For our purposes, self care is not self indulgence. While eating a cookie is nearly always a good idea, as cookies bring color and light into the world, “eating a cookie” is not self care. It’s just enjoying a cookie. For something to qualify as self care for me it has to make me feel more at ease in the world.

Beautiful and delicious, but not self care.

It goes without saying that self care is not punitive, and must be sustainable. Would drinking more green tea be healthy for me? Sure. But I don’t like green tea. It hurts my stomach and makes me gag. Therefore, we’re not filing that under Anna Grace’s plan for self care. Same goes for crazy grueling workouts done in the spirit of body hatred. Self care should make you feel good.

Also beautiful, also delicious, but in all honesty any more than a half-a-pound of green beans in one serving can only be considered punitive.

Here are a few options for self care I came up with. Please add any more self-care ideas in the comments below.

Health –plan and pack your lunches, plan and pre-prepare your breakfasts, sleep more, cut out or cut back on a substance that is limiting you, meditate, limit social media, take a daily walk, create and execute a work out schedule, pick one healthy food to add to your diet three times a week, read a book for pleasure**

Beauty – exfoliate regularly, maintain nice looking fingernails, learn to apply natural-looking make up and do so every day for a month, take better care of your skin, drink enough water, apply a good salve to your dry and peeling cuticles***

Style – Plan and wear a great outfit everyday for a month, wear every piece of jewelry you own at least once this month, tackle an area of your wardrobe (like outerwear or active wear) and plan and shop for the missing pieces you need to make this corner of your wardrobe function, don’t leave the house wearing dog hair and/or pilled clothing for a full month, try a clothing challenge. (Color Boot Camp: The Two-Week Color ChallengeThe One and Done ChallengeShop Your Closet, Survivor Style:Part 1)

Clinging to the walls at Elevation makes me feel fantastic. Message me if you want to meet up.

Armed with my self care definition and list of options, I am starting 2018 with a self-care challenge, and I hope you’ll join me. For the month of January I am going to choose two self care practices and stick to them, with the hopes that they will become year-long, then life-long practices. As always, I made up some rules for the challenge. Here they are:

Pick one or two things

Once I’d compiled the big ol’ list of ideas above, I started making grand plans to do all of it. Because I can make 21 changes in my daily routine as I start back to work, get my kids back on the school schedule and it’s 35 degrees and raining out, right?

Basically, I’d just given myself more chores. So I took a good long look and tried to figure out what I really wanted to do, not just for the month of January, but forever. I landed on meditation and regular use of lip gloss.****

Set yourself up for success

Plan the when, where and how of your self care. If you are doing a style challenge, schedule time to plan outfits and go shopping if you need to. If you are doing a beauty challenge, figure out what time of day you will execute your new practice and drop something else from that time to make room for it. If your mornings are already crazy, committing to 10 minutes of hairstyling isn’t practical unless you can move something else to the night before. If you are planning on cutting back on your coffee consumption, be sure to have another treat in place for the times you normally reach for the coffee, and plan for the uncomfortable reality of caffeine withdrawal. To make time for meditation, I am going to have to move some of my workouts to the evening. To wear lip gloss regularly, I need to actually buy lip gloss and have it at the ready.

Track the first ten days

While there is no definitive number of days it takes to make or break a habit, ten is a good number. Mark each successful day on the calendar, or keep a list of achievements in a journal, but put it in ink. A visible tally of your progress will feel fantastic, and inspire you to keep going. By all means, keep tallying past the fist ten days if you like, but be a zealot about it early on. Pick a time each day to record your accomplishments and look forward to it.

Yes, I took time to sit in a chair reading a romance novel with a fantastically trashy cover. Points for me!

These hours and minutes moving past us as we go about our busy days make up our lives. Time is all we have. When taking on self care, we want to incorporate practices that are good for us, enjoyable and sustainable, even it’s just lip gloss. These practices will bring us peace, joy and energy that we can then share with the world around us.

If you choose to take on self care in 2018, let me know how it goes. Do you have trouble with self-care? Do you have a self-care practice you’d like to share with other Mud and Grace readers? Respond in the comments below.

Have a beautiful 2018 readers!

Rosie jumped the fence and came up to join me on the deck. You have to admire her tenacity for self care.

* Over 20 minutes

** I just finished Kieran Kramer’s Regency romance Dukes to the Left of Me, Princes to the Right. It was awesome. Message me if you want to borrow it.

*** Climbers, I’m talking to you.

**** That is not a weird combination at all.

2 thoughts on “Self Care Guide for Women Who Aren’t Particularly Good at Self Care

  1. Hey Anna, my favorite Regency romances are by Georgette Heyer, I have several of them and reread them multiple times. Now that I know you publicly admit to enjoying literary “popcorn”, I feel so much better.

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